Tuesday, September 8, 2020

Don't Wear This to Go Hiking


This is everything that is wrong with celebrity endorsements and all that.

If you go hiking, carry water, carry supplies, wear loose clothing that can protect you, and don't wear a spandex onesie.

That is all.

Sunday, August 30, 2020

Keep Your Kids Away From Jerry and Becki Falwell


These people are freaky and should not be around anyone's kids:
A former Liberty University student says Becki Falwell, the wife of the university’s then-President Jerry Falwell Jr., jumped into bed with him and performed oral sex on him while he stayed over at the Falwell home after a band practice with her eldest son in 2008.
The student was 22 at the time of the encounter, near the start of Liberty’s fall semester. He said she initiated the act, and he went along with it. But despite his rejection of further advances, he said, Falwell continued pursuing him, offering him gifts and engaging in banter through Facebook messages.
“She was the aggressor,” he said.
The messages, screenshots of which were provided by the former student to POLITICO, suggest a flirtatious relationship that went beyond what might be expected of a mother communicating with her son’s bandmate.

Life in the Falwell household seems like one of the bad sequels to American Pie but with worse hair, more sex and fewer ethical quandaries. How is it that these people are still able to hold onto all of the money they took from the university that Jerry Falwell senior founded as a way of indoctrinating the youth of America into his bizarre version of a religious and righteous America?

I have to admit that I've always been immune to being shamed by someone else's grasp of "family values." I remember when that was a thing in the late 1980s and early 1990s. It was as if hypocrites were running things and it turns out they were.

Nobody should let the Falwells hang around with their adult children. This is something out of a bad novel full of horny cougars and shame-based men.


Tuesday, August 25, 2020

This Week in Out of Control Penises


Why the hangdog face, sport?
Late last year, Alaska Gov. Mike Dunleavy wrote President Donald Trump asking for a favor on behalf of his appointed attorney general, Kevin Clarkson.
In a Dec. 2 letter, the governor asked Trump to help Clarkson’s wife and stepson overcome immigration obstacles in order to leave Colombia and join him in Alaska.
“Over the past year, I have found Attorney General Clarkson to be a wise and trusted legal advisor, a man of exceptional character, and a devoted husband and father,” the governor told Trump. Before being appointed in late 2018, Clarkson had been a champion of Christian conservative views on social issues such as same-sex marriage and abortion.
Forget all that bullshit about Jerry Falwell Jr. Our man in Alaska is the horniest dude in practically all of Republican state politics that we know about right this very moment:
Over a 27-day span, the attorney general asked the woman to come to his house at least 18 times, often punctuating the messages with kiss emoji and comments about the much-younger woman’s beauty.
The attorney general texted the woman at all hours of the day and evening, sometimes from his state office, until she sent him a message in early April asking him to respect professional boundaries and saying she doesn’t accept late-night calls on her personal phone.
On March 16, Clarkson wrote to the state employee: “You’re beautiful ... sweet dreams. 😘 Sorry to bother you.” The day after that he texted, “So what are you doing sweet lady?” And the day after that: “Always nice to see you beautiful lady ... You have to find a way to say yes and come over and let me cook for you.”

Damn, that's horny. And pathetic. Oh, and hypocritical as well because no one should condemn others for their "lack of family values" when they're trying to screw around on the side.

Mr. Clarkson probably lives in that version of our society where the magical communications that go into and out of that little black mirror on his lap are not saved, recorded, archived and databased according to who sent them and when they were sent. He probably felt like the young woman to whom he was not married to would "be cool" about all of this and "give in eventually."

Well, instead of that fantasy, she sought assistance with her problem and now the State of Alaska is probably going to need a new horny Republican to run things in the AG office. They're probably lining up right now as they frantically delete everything on their phone.