Saturday, July 7, 2018

Slumming With Another Star Wars Movie




Given all of the nonsense and negativity that surrounds starring in a Star Wars movie, this is kind of a surprise:

Keri Russell is headed to a galaxy far, far away.

Sources tell Variety that the “Felicity” alum is in early talks to join J.J. Abrams’ “Star Wars: Episode IX,” which Abrams is writing and directing. Russell and Abrams last collaborated on 2006’s “Mission: Impossible III.”

The role calls for action-heavy fight scenes. Russell has shown her ability to perform tough stunts in projects like FX’s “The Americans,” “Mission: Impossible,” and “Dawn of the Planet of the Apes.”

Abrams and Lucasfilm execs met with several actresses for the role in the past two months and settled on Russell right before the Fourth of July holiday. Abrams will likely cast two more actors by the time the film begins production at the end of the month. Daisy Ridley, John Boyega, Oscar Isaac, and Adam Driver are all expected to return.

I hope they give Russell something interesting to do, and I hope it's more along the lines of what they had Laura Dern do the last time they put a female character in their little money-making thing.

Wednesday, May 16, 2018

Freddie Mercury




If Rami Malek can pull this off, he deserves an Oscar. He deserves ALL the awards.

I never thought that they could make a movie about Freddie Mercury because how the hell do you portray someone so iconic? How would you make a movie about David Bowie or Prince? Who on Earth could play those guys and not pale in comparison to what we had in real life? I don't think anyone has ever done Elvis justice, either.

The trailer is great, but this seems self-serving and bitchy:

Writer and producer Bryan Fuller is accusing 20th Century Fox of “hetero-washing” the story of Queen frontman Freddie Mercury in a new trailer and marketing materials for the biopic “Bohemian Rhapsody.”

“Anyone else mildly annoyed … that the #BohemianRhapsody trailer features gay/bi superstar Freddie Mercury flirting with and twirling with a woman but no indication of his love of men?” Fuller tweeted on Tuesday after the clip hit the web.

The footage shows actress Lucy Boynton staring longingly at star Rami Malek as Mercury, also leaping into his arms. Boynton plays Mary Austin, who some credit as Mercury’s muse but is not well known in pop culture. The trailer also features a young man coming on to Malek’s Mercury in a recording studio, but it’s blink-and-miss.

You can't judge a movie based on watching the trailer, but why should that stop anyone, right? Who knows what the film really deals with? And, honestly, this could be one of the greatest performances ever if Malek can convince people he's Freddie. Enjoy it! Don't bitch at it.

Monday, April 23, 2018

Sex Tape Lawyer




It is because I am a naive boy who was raised on the Minnesota prairie that I did not know that one could aspire to the job of "sex tape lawyer."

I knew there were lawyers, of course, and I knew that if you went to college and then law school, you could practice law anywhere in the country. Anywhere in the world, maybe, although being a lawyer amongst people who don't care about the law is a worthless endeavor.

Did you grow up wanting to be a sex tape lawyer? Was there a void in your life? A need for titillation? I don't want to judge, but becoming a lawyer who specializes in the litigation of who owns what when it comes to a sex tape is like throwing away good talent and hard work. What did you do to get to the top of that industry? Where did you advertise? Who did you have to con in order to make it big?

Come on, spill it.  You have to have people with specific legal needs, the money to transact between each other, and a surfeit of sex tapes that will allow you to be the litigator you always wanted to be, a lawyer who handles the legal ramifications of sex tapes.

Pretty good gig, I suppose. You could make millions. That's all that matters today.

Now, go away.

Who are these horrible shits? These terrible people with no morals and a mastery of the ins and outs of the laws surrounding people who film themselves having sex with others who don't necessarily know (wink, wink) they are being filmed for prurient reasons?

Who injected these foul, misbegotten garbage can people into our politics and our discourse? We are not supposed to have to explain to ourselves how this goes on. I'm not some moral prude. I don't care if Bill Clinton got a blowjob. I would expect that he would have been a bit more careful about it, but okay. 

But this? These people around Trump?

Why, they're the equivalent of a massive ball of fat, lard and shit coagulated in the pipes below London Town. They're holding back the flow of the rest of the sewage we don't want to live in, the flow that takes it to the treatment plant and cleans it up as it should be sanitized and handled. 

Your taxes pay for that service. But the people around Trump are wasting our time, frittering away our money, and letting their personal immorality get in the way of solving real problems. God, just fuck these people for being so unpalatable and rancid in the way that they do things. What a waste, seeing these sex tape lawyers go at it like starving hyenas.