Wednesday, March 30, 2016

Kiester




You can't laugh at the town of Kiester anymore because, well, the joke got old a long time ago:

The small Faribault County town of Kiester, population 501, is going to soon have some national recognition.

Some residents, however, are not so sure they want the notoriety.

A New York advertising agency is coming to the town to film scenes for a new Preparation-H hemorrhoids medicine television commercial.

“Yes, we know. They are doing it here because of the name of the town,” said Kiester mayor Doug Trytten. “And some of our residents don’t like that.”

But, said Trytten, joked about the town having the same name as a euphemism for a person’s backside have been going on for years.

“They (the ad agency) approached the City Council basically asking permission to come and use the town for the commercial,” Trytten said. “We (the council) chuckled about it, then voted to allow them to go ahead.”

The ad agency crew had planned to start filming this past week, but postponed it for a couple of weeks due to the weather, according to city clerk Doris Troll.

I have been loosely familiar with a thing called Faribault County my whole life. I was born and raised in Freeborn County, which is exactly the same shape and sits slightly to the right of Faribault County. This has convinced me that I am superior somehow, but not as superior as someone from the aptly name Mower County, which is slightly to the right of Freeborn County. In Southern Minnesota, as long as you aren't from Winona County, you're just alright by me.

We have laughed our whole lives at Kiester, which is somewhat like Conger and nothing like Bricelyn, which is a hotbed of sedition and confusion. Or is that Alden? I used to know a lot about these places and then I up and left like I should have. Here's how these towns work--a lot of old people live there. A few people live there and they have small kids. There's a pop machine, a guy trying to sell something, and a couple of places that are boarded up and used to be things. Someone works on cars and someone else put in a place where you can get a handful of overprices groceries. If you can't make it to Hy-Vee, you get something in town, you know. Did you read all of that? Well, congratulations, because if we were in a car going 30 miles and hour, you and I just passed thrown Kiester in a blink of an eye.

Anyone going from a New York City ad agency to Kiester is going to have their mind blown by the culture shock that awaits them. Perhaps they should ease into it and stop off in Albert Lea so they can be beaten up at the Nasty Habit and have their credit card skimmed on South Broadway.

Monday, March 7, 2016

Too Nasty For Newt Gingrich




The man who practically ushered in the era of the politics of personal destruction says that Mitt Romney is too much for him to stomach:

Newt Gingrich on Monday blasted Mitt Romney's speech denouncing Donald Trump as "vitriolic and nasty," calling it a sure indicator that the 2012 Republican nominee would never be accepted as a consensus party choice at a hypothetical contested convention this summer in Cleveland.


“I think if Mitt had really wanted to maneuver for the nomination, he wouldn’t have given the speech he gave last week," the former speaker of the House told "Fox and Friends." "Because that speech was so harsh and so intense that it virtually guaranteed that I think both for the Trump people but also for a lot of the Cruz people, that Romney would just plain be unacceptable."


The speech "may have been courageous on his part — it’s certainly what he, I think, believes," said Gingrich, who has made a series of recent complimentary remarks (and tweets) about Trump. "But it was such a vitriolic and nasty speech that it guaranteed that they guy who currently has the most votes and most momentum would never accept Romney as sort of the draft at the convention.”

Gingrich is operating under the assumption that he would be a good Vice President under Donald Trump. That's the job Chris Christie wants, too. Gingrich, however, is too poor--too much of a loser--to get the nod. Trump's pick for Vice President will be the only Republican who hasn't savaged him so far. That Republican's name is Senator Jeff Sessions.


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Thursday, March 3, 2016

Emasculation and Failure




This made me think of the really terrible place the Republicans are in right now:

Donald Trump responded to Mitt Romney’s speech Thursday during a rally in Maine, hitting the former Republican nominee by saying he would have gotten on his knees for the Trump endorsement back in 2012. “I am not a fan of Barack Obama and that was a race that I backed Mitt Romney, I backed him, you can see how loyal he is,” Trump said. “He was begging for my endorsement. I could have said, Mitt, drop to your knees, he would have dropped to his knees, he was begging. He was begging me.” At another point, he railed against Romney as a “choke artist” and said “chickened out” of running again in 2016.

There is no natural leader of the Republican Party anymore. Reagan is dead. Everyone else is a "loser" in that they have not successfully held the presidency and left things better than they found it. The legacy of both Bush presidents is that the first Bush was thrown out of office and the second Bush left things in horrible shape. This means they are not "winners" who could shout down Donald Trump's nonsense.

What? We're going to hear from Bob Dole? Dan Quayle? We've heard from Sarah Palin and she has endorsed Trump because to incur his wrath would shatter what little fundraising she is still able to carry out. That leaves Paul Ryan and Dick Cheney--who would listen to them?

In fact, Dick Cheney's silence speaks volumes. He has never been shy about criticizing President Obama. And yet, he has largely remained outside of the current race, unable to say anything because, well, when you leave office with everything in ruins, you can't very well claim you are a winner.

Trump is blossoming in this environment. He has already slain John McCain. Now he can take Mitt Romney to task for being a loser. And there's no one left to shout him down because they are all "losers."

This line of attack will appear again. Trump has handed politicians in both parties vast sums of money. This makes it easy for him to label them and denigrate them. He will not hesitate to emasculate any male politician who has taken his money; he will not hesitate to berate Hillary Clinton when she takes the gloves off.



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