Monday, December 29, 2014

No, Video Games Should Not Be in the Olympics




Nope.

And the argument that starts off with "curling" or anything related to synchronized swimming is just more of the same kind of trolling that won't get you anywhere, son.

Wednesday, December 24, 2014

How Can You Stop Capitalism?


I do not live in fancy digs, nor do I use Uber or Airbnb, but I cannot understand why there is a growing backlash against basic capitalism:
A woman has been “profiteering” from her government-subsidized, rent-controlled Central Park duplex by renting out bedrooms through Airbnb, a Manhattan judge said, ordering her to stop immediately.
Manhattan Supreme Court Justice Carol Edmead issued a temporary injunction against Noelle Penraat, who, as The Post reported in October, was sued by her landlord.
In her ruling made public Tuesday, Edmead said records show Penraat made $61,000 off her rent-controlled Central Park duplex in just nine months. Penraat’s “own records indicate that she has been profiteering from a rent-controlled apartment partially subsidized by another government program,” Edmead wrote.
The apartment is hers, right? And all she is doing is a form of subletting, which used to be legal. And it's not even subletting. It's called renting out a room, which was done extensively during the Depression. The fear-mongering against the "traffic" in and out of the building is absurd and elitist.
The landlord claimed Penraat has had 135 rentals since February 2012, with guests logging three- to 21-night stays.

The landlord estimated that Penraat could make up to $118,300 a year if she rented the apartment on a nightly, year-round basis.
Penraat advertised her “Gorgeous master bed/bath on the park,” a “Lovely small bedroom in a huge apartment” and a “Sunny bedroom, Central Park view” for between $75 and $150 a night until the case was filed.


Honestly, where's the crime here?  If this was Colorado or Georgia, she'd be unable to charge that much and no one would want to stay in her apartment (emphasis on her apartment). She's using the marketplace to make money. She isn't forcing anyone to overpay her. She's charging what people want to pay. Someone has found a way to undercut the profit margins of the people who are really ripping people off. Imagine that.

Making money by giving people something they want to pay for is illegal now?

An Ethics-Free Congress





You can tell the Republicans are in charge because ethics no longer matter. Michael Grimm was re-elected with a felony indictment hanging over his head and, thanks to a safely Gerrymandered district, he won his race going away.

And yes, there is a precedent here. William Jefferson was a corrupt Congressman from Louisiana who stuffed the money in his freezer and told everyone to go pound sand when they politely asked him to resign from Congress. You can read about that here and then do a comparison and contrast with how the GOP leadership has basically thrown their hands in the air over a convicted felon like Grimm. Reading that old story was like stepping into a time machine.

Ethics in Congress? Really? And people actually cared about that stuff? Wow.


Monday, December 22, 2014

None of These Clowns Are Worth the Attention




At some point, the trolling has to stop:

North Korea threatens to 'blow up' the White House after claiming to find 'clear evidence' that the GOVERNMENT was behind controversial Sony film The Interview

It now looks more like an inside job at Sony Pictures than it does anything else. And it looks to me like the extra attention granted to all three parties--Kim Jong Un, James Franco, and Seth Rogen--is about as shopworn as using a ticking time bomb as a plot device.

In a world...where things actually mattered...nobody would be talking about any of them. Ever.

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

This is Why We Can Invade Iraq Again


All someone needs to do is figure out how to blame the hacking of Sony on the Iraqis.

That's it.

Once we do that, we have the case for war. We can invade. We can go break shit. We can own that country all over again.

The problem is, these hacks probably come from the Chinese, who are receiving some hard currency or some other form of graft from North Korea and we can't invade those countries. But, anyone threatening another 9/11 falls under the new American doctrine which allows for tearing up old agreements.

Seriously, though. Threatening another 9/11 isn't cool. Someone is going to overreact to this and we may well end up with a sequel to this movie. Killing Vladimir Putin would make a great film, but he'd probably just kick Franco's ass.

Trolling Ted Cruz



And what I like about this Politico story are the comments, of course:


Classic...

Monday, December 15, 2014

The Russian Ruble is Collapsing




Couldn't have happened to a nicer kleptocracy:

The ruble tumbled the most since 1998, sliding past 60 for the first time, as traders tested Russia’s willingness to defend the currency amid an oil slump that’s pushing the economy toward recession.


The ruble weakened 9.1 percent to 64.0005 per dollar at 7:57 p.m. in Moscow, the steepest slide on a closing basis since the year Russia defaulted on local-currency debt. The 10-year government bond yield rose 23 basis points to 13.23 percent. Three-month implied volatility for the ruble climbed to a six-year high as the rout triggered the Bank of Russia to sell foreign exchange, according to BCS Financial Group and MDM Bank.


Traders are pressing the central bank to buy more rubles to limit a selloff that has wiped out 22 percent of the currency’s value this month. Oil’s slide toward $60 a barrel in London and sanctions over the conflict in Ukraine are undermining confidence in Russian assets as evidence mounts that the economy is entering a recession. Industrial output fell the most in more than a year in November, data showed today.


Everyone who bet on oil being expensive is losing money right now. And I think that this is largely driven by the fact that alternative forms of energy are making inroads and so there's a glut of oil on the world market. I don't want to be around (but I will be) when the major producers scale back--the price will shoot up, no doubt.

Is it time to get that electric car and invest in solar panels? It's always time to get the electric car and put solar panels everywhere.

The decision made by the Western nations (The U.S. and Europe) to put a shiv into the side of Russia's economy is paying off. The price for all of this has to be for Russia to give up two things: Eastern and Southern Ukraine and Edward Snowden.

The Nightly News No Longer Matters


Are you relieved that Brian Williams isn't going anywhere? Or did you, like me, yawn and look for other news:
Brian Williams is staying put as NBC Nightly News anchor, the network announced Monday. Saying that he's "renewed his commitment" to the network's news division, NBC News presidentDeborah Turness said in a staff memo that he will continue to serve as anchor and managing editor of the nightly broadcast "for years to come."
The news comes as Williams recently celebrated his 10th anniversary as NBC Nightly News anchor and ABC News recently replaced longtime World News anchor Diane Sawyer with David Muir.
People no longer wish to be informed. They wish to be entertained. I hope Williams can continue to dance around the fact that the job he holds isn't worth what it used to be. In the 1980s, this kind of an announcement would be huge because the nightly news mattered back then, The revenue generated by those programs floated these huge, bloated news divisions. Now, the only thing keeping them alive are the morning shows.

The evening news is merely a hole for the schedulers to work around.

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Ben Edelman and Slanty Eyed Chinese Food Menus




This is what "lawyer" Ben Edelman said to the owner of the Chinese restaurant that he harassed earlier this year.

And no, there are no words for this kind of discourse in American society. This is what happens when you eliminate ethics from everyday life--you say whatever you want because there are no repercussions for it. Edelman won't be fired, disbarred or anything, I would imagine, because he has mastered the law as a tool for furthering his own pathologies.

I mean, wow.

Wow.

Modern Life is a Nightmare




Ben Edelman is a Harvard-educated lawyer who found out that he was overcharged for Chinese takeout. He became enraged, in only the way that a lawyer can, and terrorized the owner of the Chinese restaurant that made the mistake of trying to have a website online and survive.

We can't let one complete and utter asshole ruin everything, can we?




Follow the link to go read the whole thing. It is the use of the law to terrorize an establishment over a pithy amount. We're not talking about a whole lot of money, and we are talking about principles, but, wow.

Ben Edelman's talents seem to be honed in a way that would make him a sociopath or worse. This kind of behavior is an indicator of other very special things and I would hope that this case would inform everyone's thinking about not to deal with others.

Sunday, December 7, 2014

New Horizons




Did you know that we're about to have a probe arrive at Pluto? 

The New Horizons Pluto Probe woke up today and, in a conversation with a lag time of 4.5 hours, transmitted messages from about as far away as you can get in our solar system.

Amazing.

Monday, December 1, 2014

The Collapse of Bill Cosby


I sure hope Bill Cosby has been good with his money because when one in three people are turning in their tickets to your show for a refund, that's a pretty good indicator that your performing days are coming to a close.

Friday, November 21, 2014

You Should Have Waited For it to be Legalized



A middle-aged man in Baltimore, Maryland is in a lot of legal trouble today. If only he had waited a little while, right?

Maryland is creeping up on legalization, and we might as well get it out there--your town is already full of weed. I don't care where you live--your town is already full of people on drugs. Don't believe the nonsense. The cops know where this stuff is because every time they arrest someone, that someone starts squealing about where they got it and how can that help them out?

Our phony war on drugs and the militarization of the police--a match made in heaven. We are hopelessly screwed up and staring at a future full of falling down houses and ruthlessly beaten people in the streets. Isn't anyone tired enough of this to demand some sort of compromise between the twin realities we face? People are gonna medicate and get high and the cops are going to attack society's problems with no subtlety whatsoever. How do you fix that? Stop the war on drugs, make cops go back to being actual police officers who, you know, serve the public and get the military gear out of our towns and cities. If you're on drugs, you go to treatment not prison if you have only hurt yourself.

I mean, duh.

I'm not convinced that this country is ever going to get to a point where we can grow up completely and legalize drugs. I think we are a long ways away from a time where someone like this could be allowed to do what he's done (no one can tax the weed you grow in the dank corners of your own basement, for starters). And so, we are locked in a war on drugs that will continue to ruin lives, cost billions, and fill prisons.

If you want to talk about wasted potential, look at those plants and tell me what we're doing this for because it has never been readily apparent to me. We have way more important things to worry about. All we are getting is more paranoia, more guns, more violence, too much money in the mix, and people who are tossing their lives into a massive bonfire of misery. I don't get it and I never will.

Thursday, November 20, 2014

Bill Cosby and Serial Rape


It would appear that Bill Cosby has a problem with being accused of committing serial rape in this country. Did he commit any crimes overseas? Is there any way to bring him to justice in another jurisdiction? Why is he getting away with it?

The statute of limitations has rendered Cosby untouchable. He will likely go the way of Joe Paterno, disgraced but wealthy and confused about his status.

This country can forgive a lot of things. Cosby raped his way through a lot of lives, it would appear.

Norman Rogers is a horrible, horrible man. He was said, in effect, that an adult male can use the $300 hooker to solve a lot of problems.

"A fifty dollar whore is good in a pinch, but she is desperate and sometimes unattractive. If you pay $300 for the services of a professional working girl, you can expect that she will be reasonably attractive and unwilling to turn on you. Bill Cosby could have hired a $300 girl every week of the year. That's $15,600 per calendar year, including your Christmas Ham Boning or whatever you want to call it. Over the course of forty years, that's a grand total of $624,000 spent on discreet, professional sex workers."

As Norman horribly explains, this would save many men a great deal of grief.

"Bill Cosby could have spent a mere $15,600 per year playing hide the baloney and all he would be guilty of is being a horndog. I am not condoning legalized prostitution--I think what they have in Las Vegas is a good model for what we should have in every state. We need special economic zones where regulated adult behavior is tolerated and controlled. Stephen Hawking uses professional women and people consider him a saintly genius. If Cosby were a mere whoremonger, he would likely be making over $10 million a year right now. Contrast that with a controlled budget for getting some ass on the side."

"What an old fool. He reminds me of Tiger Woods, who lost over a hundred million dollars for sex that would have cost him, at best, a few hundred thousand dollars."

It should be pointed out that Norman Rogers is a horrible man and his views are neither condoned nor understood.

This is How You End up Broke




Jack Johnson of the Columbus Blue Jackets let his parents "manage" his affairs. Here's what they did to him:

Miller was the first lender, extending a $1.56 million loan on March 9, 2011, that Johnson’s parents used to buy the home in Manhattan Beach, a third of a mile from their son’s residence, while he played for the Kings.


Johnson, a source said, believed that his parents took out a mortgage using money left to them in the will of a relative who had recently died.


The loan — which carried a 12 percent interest rate, almost three times the market rate — quickly went into default because it called for an initial payment of more than $1 million. (The contract extension Johnson signed with the Kings didn’t kick in until the following season, and he didn’t have that much in the bank.)


One day after the home loan was signed, on March 10, 2011, the Johnsons borrowed $2 million at an interest rate of 12 percent from a software developer in Iowa named Rodney L. Blum, who this month won a seat in the U.S. House.


Blum’s office did not respond to interview requests left with Blum’s spokesman by The Dispatch. It’s unclear how Johnson’s family came to know him or why he was making a personal loan at a high interest rate.


Barely a month later, on April 14, 2011, the Johnsons borrowed $3 million — at 24 percent — from Pro Player Funding in upstate New York, a company that “monetized” several NFL players’ contracts during a work stoppage. Former NFL stars Vince Young, who went bankrupt, and Bryant McKinnie, who was sued for default, were among the company’s clients.


Johnson was sued by both Blum and Pro Player Funding within a month of the loans being signed. He signed settlements, according to court documents, without appearing in court to contest the lawsuits.


To settle Blum’s suit, Johnson had $41,800 — or 25 percent — garnisheed from his bimonthly Blue Jackets paychecks over much of the past two seasons.


The next two years brought additional loans and additional defaults, sources said, but the next loan that ended up in the court system was extended on Sept. 13, 2013: a $400,000 loan at 18 percent from EOT Advisors in Tarrant County, Texas.


They essentially used Johnson's future earnings as collateral and "monetized" his contract, which has bankrupted him. When you're borrowing money at an interest rate of 24%, you've essentially entered a financial zone reserved for Rent-a-Center customers and payday lenders. They could have each taken a million dollars and that would have left Johnson solvent and in great shape. Instead, they used a series of loan schemes to take everything this kid had, and then some.





In other words, a professional hockey player who signed a contract worth $30 million dollars in 2011 has about $50 grand in the bank, if that.





Johnson has severed himself from his family, by the way, and has no idea if his 16 year-old brother is being taken care of by his parents. Now that the gravy train has stopped, hopefully they've been able to get jobs and start paying back their son.





Yeah, right.

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

The Running Man




I have seen Keith Boissiere running through southern Baltimore. He runs through some sketchy areas, it would appear, and he is not going to give up, no matter what. I haven't seen him in a decade, if that. Wow.

Friday, November 14, 2014

Will Arnett Has Another Series Cancelled Out From Under Him




You may not be able to guess it, but I'm still mad about Running Wilde.

Watching Will Arnett lose another television series is bad enough. He's better than most of the shows they've thrown him in. Running Wilde was a show that I really liked.

There's a moment in that show when Peter Serafinowicz does an Alan Alda impression that I thought was hysterical. And, yeah. Will was good in it. Not as good as Keri Russell. But this sucks for all concerned.

Friday, November 7, 2014

The Butt Grabber

John Epps Jr. is a serial butt grabber.

Epps Jr. has been accused of inappropriately touching two middle school females in Montgomery County. It's all on videotape, apparently, and his actions caused Montgomery County Public Schools a tremendous amount of embarrassment (which is what we call legal liability) when it was revealed that he had worked at nearly 60 different schools in the district.

In the old days, you would call him a pervert or worse. Now, you just call him a contractor:
So, how did Epps Jr. manage to gain access to nearly 60 schools in a day and age when student safety and wellbeing are two of the highest priorities? MCPS administrators were quick to point the finger at the 44-year-old's employer, Rockville-based Netcom Technologies, Inc.
In May, Netcom, Inc. hired Epps Jr. from a temporary staffing agency. Yet, instead of running its own independent background check, Netcom, Inc. accepted the paperwork the temp agency had on file. MCPS says those documents were grossly inaccurate.
"Going forward, Netcom has said [it] will do full checks on any temporary employee hired to work in a school. We are also reminding all of our contractors who work in our schools what their obligations are under the law and requiring they re-run checks on their employees working in schools," MCPS spokesman Dana Tofig said in an email sent to ABC 7.
Netcom, Inc., which has earned tens of millions of dollars in contracts from MCPS over the last 20 years, did not return our phone calls seeking comment.
Going forward, Netcom Inc. will still make a lot of money putting perverts on their payroll and pretending to know something about the people they hire. Profit margins being what they are, does anyone really expect this company to sweat a little butt grabbing? That's for the lawyers to work out.

Epps Jr. has made a career out of butt grabbing. Let's hope someone finally registers him as a sex offender (another failure documented in the article) and keeps him away from school kids.

Stonehenge




If you look into the upper right corner of this photograph, you will see the unmistakable outline of Stonehenge as it appeared during World War I. This series of photographs shows soldiers in training or convalescing near famous sites during the war.

Saturday, October 18, 2014

This is Sexist




Veev vodka is hoping you'll accept the joke here. Unfortunately, it's a transparently sexist and somewhat culturally insensitive ad.

The stereotypically harsh and unattractive Russian/Slavic/Eastern European depiction of a hectoring wife is supposed to sell alcohol to who, exactly? I'm not sure who the target audience is but any man married to a "beast like this" (which is what the advertiser is signaling here) must want to drink themselves into a state of unconsciousness.

When you're using humor to kick down here, you have to remember that there is a fine line between satire and being stupid about cultural signifiers. You're not supposed to link your product to something that doesn't have some sort of redeeming quality. Being smashed, cheating on your wife, and fostering a stereotype isn't exactly the smart or uplifting quality being sought here.

Veev makes a vodka that is useful for your suicide by drinking because your horrible wife is a sexless babushka? Really? And now that means you gotta get a third or fourth bottle for your bros?

Stupid. And, of course, sexist.

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Rick Scott is the Greatest Politician Ever




I think it is fairly obvious that Florida Governor Rick Scott is going to win his re-election bid, probably by 20 points. Americans love a petulant man-child. They elect them and re-elect them as often as possible now. Clearly, Charlie Crist showed up with a fan that was designed to make the people of Florida mad enough to forget about their problems, and it worked.

Our politics are insane, our country is led by fools, and you couldn't make this up if you tried.

Friday, October 10, 2014

America's First Family


It is now two years into the presidency of Sarah Palin. America is at war with Syria, Jordan, Iraq, Iran, Mexico and Turkey. A universal draft has been implemented in order to place America's military on a footing that is expected to grow to a total of 20 million uniformed service members. The threat to American interests expands in Latin America and the far East, with American embassies shuttered all over the globe.

Unemployment is down to 18.4% and America's GDP is $4 trillion dollars, down from a high of $17 trillion in 2009. Gas prices hover at $6.75 a gallon and milk is impossible to find due to lax regulation of bovine hormones. In most American cities, the police randomly shoot rioters and turn anyone they arrest over for basic training. President Palin has issued another executive over, to the exasperation of the Congress, indicating that she is displeased to learn that her eldest daughter has been rejected as the lead actress in a sitcom about a porn star who finds Jesus at Wendy's and then decides to live there with her uncle, who is a ghost.

Palin believes in blue skies overhead and the power of prayer. She took over when John McCain was impeached for tax evasion and being cranky. McCain declined to run for re-election in 2012 and has retired to a life of lobbying and criticizing American foreign policy. Palin, a family values candidate with plucky and popular daughters and a Bachelor son, easily defeated her primary opponents and then kneecapped liberal Senator Al Franken, who was the Democratic Party's nominee for President. Franken ran on a campaign platform that stated, "I will not allow any of my children to scoot along the ground, drunken and disorderly."

Franken lost by 200 electoral votes. Vice President Peter King snickered like a thug when he won.

In Alaska last week, President Palin was asked, how can your drunken family get away with such things?

Palin replied, "don't you know who I am?"

And with that, the heavens groaned.

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Wal-Mart Gives Itself a Tax Cut




Did you know that Wal-Mart can give itself a tax cut?

The act of dropping health care coverage for 30,000 workers amounts to a savings of $500 million dollars per year. I think that that number is low because Wal-Mart is going to make a whole lot more of their employees fall into that category in order to boost their savings (which are not needed, of course, because Wal-Mart is an insanely profitable business).

Your taxes will have to cover that difference because those workers will now have to rely on government benefits or emergency room services or some other form of funding for their health care costs. In many cases, they'll just pay more out of pocket, thereby receiving a pay cut on top of the tax increase you'll get in order to help make up the difference.

Wal-Mart takes the savings and passes them on to you. Only you're not making more money, either.

What I don't understand is, how much longer can we continue to pretend that Wal-Mart has been good for America in any way, shape or form? We're now addicted to cheap consumer goods made elsewhere. We're used to covering the costs of feeding and sheltering people who work for Wal-Mart and receive low pay and can't make ends meet. Now we're going to be handed another segment of the gainfully-employed population that will require health care coverage.

It's awful.

And, what's more, Wal-Mart managers are going to be under pressure to arbitrarily and unfairly cut hours and put more people in the cohort that is losing health care coverage. They'll do that by quietly reducing hours for people who are already on the bubble. Shopping there is already more of a nightmare than it was twenty years ago precisely because they cut the hours of the very same people who are there to help customers and get them through the check stands. The very definition of hell is Wal-Mart on a Friday night at 10:30.

The margins are incredibly thin now--disaster awaits anyone who is unlucky enough to lose a few hours a week or a little bit of insurance.

A one billion dollar a year tax increase on Wal-Mart would be welcome. Good luck ever seeing that in your lifetime.

Thursday, October 2, 2014

Piers Morgan is an Expert on American Politics


Shocking insight from Piers Morgan:
President Obama this week committed professional suicide.
Let me explain.
There is a theory in politics that once a leader has fired 50 or more people from his or her administration, he or she is finished.
The reason being that by creating so many enemies ‘outside the tent’, the tent itself becomes too deluged with poisonous bile to avoid sinking into a quagmire of back-stabbing ignominy.
It's too bad that this insight--this brilliance--did not translate into any kind of success in America. If there's one thing that the viewing public needs it is the keen eye for U.S. politics that Morgan possesses and isn't afraid to display.

Many people receive millions of dollars in salary for such commentary. To me, Morgan is woefully underpaid and should have his words written down by more than one person so that there are no errors when he utters something smart.

When we get beyond Morgan's gift to us all, we find him wallowing in stupidity (hold the stenographers) and covered in his own shame (which should get him back on TV soon).

How is President Obama "failing" to protect Americans through complacency? After winning the Nobel Prize for Peace in 2009, he ordered Osama bin Laden to be shot in the forehead, bombed a string of countries, visited robot death from the skies on untold numbers of cowering terrorists, started wars in places Americans can't find on maps, and has made darned certain that there aren't any Americans driving around Baghdad in fifth generation MRAPs.

I don't get these people. This administration couldn't win for trying with them. No matter what the President does, he's either a tyrant or a feckless coward. Which one is it today?

Monday, September 29, 2014

Alec Baldwin is Suffering From Pilates Rage




Alec Baldwin sure has lost a lot of weight, hasn't he? Well, if there's one lesson to be learned from this incident with the paparazzi, it is this: pilates rage is real.

I don't have a lot of science to back any of this up, but that has never held me back. I'm crawling through Season 5 of 30 Rock on DVD, and the episodes that aren't damaged by the rough handling of the library patrons show a Baldwin brother emeritus on the doughy side. And, let's face it--we're all a little on the doughy side.

Sometime last whenever because who the hell knows, Baldwin started to do pilates, which is an exercise regimen that builds the core muscles in your gut by working them relentlessly.

Baldwin himself has Tweeted that pilates has saved his life.




Well, I should say, it has "saved" him but it is not a specific enough Tweet to indicate his life, his marriage, his way of getting around in the world, or if it did, in fact, save him from having to go to a more expensive gym.

It is my considered opinion that these workouts turn a person into a clenched ball of rage.

You cannot discount the fact that the common ulcer tends to cause severe abdominal pain, and ulcers are caused by going around with clenched gut muscles and eating things that are full of acid. Stress contributes to ulcers, and sit-ups and holding a 30-centimeter inflated rubber ball between the legs in an upright position while screaming in pain can cause stress. Having to roll forward on a mat while someone in better shape than you howls in distress after expelling everything in their colon through a lycra garment in your general vicinity also causes stress. It is a logical fallacy, perhaps, but it does contain more logic than fallacy to conclude that pilates adds to stress in the period before the person doing pilates actually begins to see an improvement in their physical appearance.

In Baldwin's case, he is noticeably thinner, his hair is looking better, and he has a much more attractive mate these days. He probably has money and notoriety in amounts that are more pleasant to contemplate. But he stands to lose it all by punching photographers. He stands to end up in jail now because his bottled jar of screeching inner rage popped out like a sideboob full of intrigue at the wrong formal dinner party.

The only salvation he has is the pilates rage defense. He must claim that the endorphins and adrenaline running through his system have been sent into spasms of overdrive because of the intense pilates workouts that he has been thinking about doing over the course of the last few weeks. He must begin to lay the groundwork for the common law defense of "pilates rage."

"Road rage" came into vogue years ago, and has served as a useless legal defense precisely because no one could tie it to diet, weight, or exercise. A smart lawyer could succeed in setting a new precedence here if he or she could tie road rage to a parcel of junk science and get a useless judge to rule favorably. If "pilates rage" can be found to be real, and there's no common sense reason why is should, then celebrities might find it useful whenever they get caught on film turning out somebody's lights on a public street in front of, ahem, a courthouse.

Anyone with a law degree should be able to understand where I'm coming from.

Sacha Baron Cohen's Sad Decline Into Poorly Imagined Spoofs




Rather than come up with something imaginative, original, and daring, why not make another James Bond spoof?

This is what Sacha Baron Cohen is reduced to--spoofing something that has been spoofed to the point where no one cares anymore. They're going to make a fourth Austin Powers movie, and even that will have more going for it than this project. To date, I'm not aware of any indication where being boring and predictable works, but maybe Cohen has decided to chase some of the money that Adam Sandler and Larry the Cable Guy are leaving on the table these days.

Cover Your Shame




I don't have the heart to show you the shot that everyone is mad about. I thought about it, but there was just too much Kardashian butt crack for that to work for me.

I will say this--whoever put her in these clothes should have warned her that she would look bad. A celebrity image industry run by Kim Kardashian that makes this kind of a mistake is one that is going off the rails.

This is the state of modern celebrity. No one believes that Kanye is really with her because he loves her. And no one believes that Kim Kardashian can wear see-through grey without underwear without realizing what she's showing to the world. Everything is fake, everything is a fraud, and I don't need to see that level of detail any time of the day.