Celebrity Disaster

What happened to Yasmine Bleeth? She is such a lovely lady.

What a weekend! I was threatened with a lawsuit, I was asked to become a martyr for the cause, I was forced to defend a company whose products I have never used, Miranda called me a booger priest, and the world is on fire! Everything is going into the toilet, sir! Gaaack!

Well, not so much Gaaack! but you get the idea. Do you Wii? I Wii. It did fabulous at Christmas. Curt Schilling is a saint in Boston, and if you don't know that, don't try to make a joke that is outside of your lane. Did you hear? President Bush is baaaaack. I love it when someone redesigns their website. Is it Thursday? I need to change templates again.

They updated their wanted poster for Osama Bin Laden, and some guy in Spain is upset at the likeness that was used. Eastern Europe is headed for another year of economic problems, unfortunately. I wrote about art theft and some clown in New York threatened me with a lawsuit. Norman doesn't play, suckas. Mother Bear piled on. Wah! The train is running between Sarajevo and Belgrade. Anyone using it?

Despite increased use of headphones, we're not going deaf at a faster rate. You cannot remove risk from the art of investing, but you can make a number of cosmetic changes that add up to nothing. Brazil is flexing its muscles in Haiti, and I have to point out, this is a catastrophe, not a soccer game. Kabul was shut down recently when the Taliban decided to make a war out of it.

Haiti's el presidente or Président de la République for life or until the next invasion is a quiet man who doesn't talk much. Yay! It's not looting if there's a complete and utter breakdown of society--it's stone age etiquette. Pat Robertson takes one off the chin. There's a bit of phony outrage over what a company that makes gun sights has been stamping on the sides of their sights in very small letters and numerals. Are the Argentines and Brits going to have another South Atlantic dance? Japan Airlines is going broke, fast. Unfortunately, that affects at least one, if not two, airlines in this country.

Over at Gentleman Bounty Hunter, I'm telling stories, and I don't care who knows that I'm an Independent now.

Over at gadjimatronics, I talked about the Wii. Hey, I already did that.

Over at Talking Smack About Sports, I covered the NFL playoffs, and I have the Pants on the Ground video with Brett Favre. I also have more on the Alexandre Burrows and Stephane Auger controversy in the NHL.

The Safe For Work Hotties were Anita Dark, Silvia Saint, and Alektra Blue.

What's a booger priest? Is that someone who worships or administers last rites to boogers? Look, I've been sick for weeks--I have a lot of phlegm and mucous. When I sneeze, it goes everywhere. I'm miserable! Wah! Why does my only daughter torment me so?

Eva Mendes is the cure for cold weather

Are you sick and tired of this terrible cold weather?

We are sick and tired of the cold in the Northeast, so we are examining ways to relocate to St. Thomas for the duration of the winter. We may do two or three months down there, which would be a tonic for the troops. Miranda's poor hands and face are all scabby and dry--I have given her eucerin cream and told her to get to work. She won't find a man with dead, dry skin on her ears. An Ivy League man notices grooming. Your various state school yokels, perhaps not so much. We have to get some lotion on my daughter, and, no, that's not dirty, so don't even go there.

It's been too long since the last contesseration, so let me give you a handful of good things to read. Riot control vehicles have saved modern soccer, you know. I've seen the insides of your garden variety Western European soccer stadiums, and the toilets are atrocious. Judith Miller is out practicing random acts of journalism again, and, no, she does not impress me with her choice of words. Thieves do not work for drug cartels. Google is going to take on the Chinese, and my money is on no one. I do not believe in gambling. Johnny Law, you should calm down about people who land ski planes on frozen lakes. No one writes about Iraq anymore, but I wrote about it today, and the displaced are not going back, no matter how much the violence declines (allegedly). What's the harm in some boys throwing dice? Is that too much for the thought police to handle?

I have to pack. And, I have to remember to tell someone to fill the tank on the humidifier.