Celebrity Disaster

Billy Crystal

There's a reason why they can't find anyone to host the Oscars--no one can do it as well as Billy Crystal and the only people who agree to host the Oscars are the ones who need it to boost their careers. Crystal doesn't need it, and that's exactly the sort of person who should host:

If it's the middle of October and the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences hasn't announced either a show producer or host for the upcoming ceremony people are going to start whispering.  In fact, a very small group of people -- some of them Academy members -- are going to get a wee bit nervous.  Add to the mix a new AMPAS president, Tom Sherak, a new 10 nominee Best Picture field and the expectation of topping a universally heralded show the year before and, well, the gossip mills are churning from the 213 to the 310 area codes. 

Unlike previous years, Sherak has made it clear this time around he wants the Academy to announce both the producer and the host at the same time.  This has lead to some strange politics across the board.  With upcoming projects keeping them busy last year's producing team of Larry Mark and Bill Condon had no plans of returning, so there has been numerous campaigning by those who want to produce the show and those Sherak and the Academy are trying to convince to consider.  It all came to a strange head late last week when someone leaked to Deadline Hollywood Dailythat 2009's popular host Hugh Jackman was being advised not to repeat for the most ludicrous of reasons. Word is the Academy was interested in Jackman returning, but it wouldn't be official until the new producer weighed in (Geez, sure seems like someone wanted to get word out Jackman would have declined just in case he wasn't offered, doesn't it?). 

Well, we're well past the middle of October, and I don't see anyone viable turning up anytime soon. MSNBC has floated some names, but I honestly can't see any of these people hosting the Oscars. The job is too much for a person who cannot perform live, dance and sing a bit, and do comedy at the same time. People who are trying to move up the ladder usually fail because this ladder falls away too quickly. Stink in the first half hour, and you're done. (David Letterman, Jon Stewart).

Billy Crystal is the gold standard. Who out there is as good as Billy? Not very damned many. And, no, Steve Martin wasn't as good as Billy, and neither was Whoopi, and, no, Robin Williams couldn't do it, either. Whatever it takes, someone needs to find a way to force Billy to host on a permanent basis so I don't have to write blog posts like this.